Greetings, and I hope all of you take the opportunity to post. Please condense your first essay, which you have already revised twice, into one paragraph — yes, one paragraph. Post that paragraph here. Please comment on at least one post from one of your classmates. Concentrate on any positive comments you can make. Thank you.
Time
Time is a reflection of what has been and what will be. The process of placing a memory with specific time is the challenge. In life each of us can distinguish times of happiness and sadness and attaché the event to the time. To express personal times of sadness and joy, to eradicate those memories represents the true meaning to suffer! To express the many years of verbal abuse in school, or to describe the years of verbal and physical abuse suffered through the hands of my own father. The feeling of pride expressed upon receipt of my high school diploma. To personify the experience and the reflection in time that demanded respect, symbolized my very existence.
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Jose Blannco Reply:
June 22nd, 2010 at 2:21 pm
@Floyd Whited,
Floyd, very nice introduction. I’d like to offer a couple of suggestions. Your first sentence is terrific, philosophical and it sets the context for what follows. And so are the second, third, and fourth. But take a look at the last three sentences.
To express the many years of verbal abuse in school, or to describe the years of verbal and physical abuse suffered through the hands of my own father. [This sentence needs something else — or rewording — to complete the idea.]
For example: It is difficult to express …. my own father,
The feeling of pride expressed upon receipt of my high school diploma. [The same is true with this sentence. What about your pride?]
For example: I felt proud to receive my high school diploma.
To personify the experience and the reflection in time that demanded respect, symbolized my very existence.
Take a look at the third sentence, and see if you can work with it. All three of these examples are, grammatically, sentence fragments. Let’s make them complete!
Thanks, Jose
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Floyd Whited Reply:
June 22nd, 2010 at 3:49 pm
Time
Time is a reflection of what has been and what will be. The process of placing a memory with a specific time is the challenge. It is difficult to express the feelings felt as I was made to suffer verbal and physical abuse by own father. To awake from a near death experience and finally know you are loved. To feel pride as you receive your high school diploma. To contradict society and reveal my sexual identity no matter the cost. To posses the ability to take life’s challenges and put them into perspective describes my journey through time.
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Honestly, I thought that the first post was good. Once the professor broke it down, I was able to see ways that the post could have been better ( but it always better when the professor gives you some suggestions). Overall great post!!!!!!!!
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My phone is for all intents and purposes my 5-hour energy bottle!It literally helps me function throughout the day. Whether it’s helping me memorize the different District courts we have in the state of Florida or keeping count on me doing sit-ups, my phone gets the job done..Now some would say that you’re not being responsible and that it’s merely a phone. Yet you fail to realize that a phone with this much potential not only keeps me occupied but it also helps me with other daily agendas and routines. Yet, I’ve come to the realization that a phone no matter how entertaining or anti-boring it is, it can never completely keep you satisfied. As a society we’ve become this microwave generation that wants everything immediately. No matter how advanced we become with technology we have to find other avenues to motivate, entertain, and educate ourselves.
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My phone is for all intents and purposes my 5-hour energy bottle!It literally helps me function throughout the day. Whether it’s helping me memorize the different District courts we have in the state of Florida or keeping count on me doing sit-ups, my phone gets the job done.Now some would say that you’re not being responsible and that it’s merely a phone. Yet you fail to realize that a phone with this much potential not only keeps me occupied but it also helps me with other daily agendas and routines. I’ve come to the realization that a phone no matter how entertaining it is, it can never completely keep you satisfied. As a society, we’ve become this microwave generation that wants everything immediately. No matter how advanced we become with technology we have to find other avenues to motivate, entertain, and educate ourselves.
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Franz Schiebel Reply:
June 23rd, 2010 at 12:50 am
@Jenkins Joseph, I enjoyed reading your paragrah. It began with how a phone keeps us connected to our everyday activities, and ended by letting us know how powerful this device has become in our lives. Cool stuff
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My keys are not just these metal objects used to open doors. They signify achievements that become who I am today. If my keys had a price tag, it would read,
“A young man, who is strongly connected with his family and enjoys life challenges. He has huge motives to achieve career goals and has strong support from his beloved girlfriend.”
Does this mean that our keys can have our “up to date” life stories? I’m curious to know the reason behind the next key in my life, I mean my ring.
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Jose Blanco Reply:
June 24th, 2010 at 10:20 am
@Franz Schiebel,
Good job Franz. I really enjoyed reading (and hearing) your essay. Please don’t forget to post how some techniques you learned in class helped you in your work writing. Thanks.
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Valentina Reply:
July 27th, 2010 at 4:58 am
@Franz Schiebel, what an unusual angle you look at things!!! How very mature! I just wonder how old you are? I guess under 20?))The only thing in your passage I am not quite sure is the word “ring”. Is it a key-ring or a wedding ring?))
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Franz Reply:
July 27th, 2010 at 11:56 am
@Valentina, I am actually 26. I dont know if its a good thing that you thought I was under 20, but I’ll take it as a compliment. Thanks. I mentioned ring meaning my key ring. And I related it with my life as to say, My up to date life IS my key ring. Thanks for the reply.
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Valentina Reply:
July 28th, 2010 at 2:32 am
@Franz,
))) Oh, it IS a good thing!))) You see,I thought Jose’s students were about the usual age for students (you know, college, university) now I realize it is something different.
Ok, very philosophical)) Probably, I thought about a wed-ring as a little above you mentioned a beloved girlfriend))
I wonder what was the topic all of you wrote on? Kind of meaningful objects such phones, keys, watches? Was it your idea to compare life achievements with keys on the life-ring? It really has sense.
Being able to acquire several watches in my life time, i understand that it started an addictive habit. this habit cause me to purchase a credit card, work long excessive hours at work. and also, to put my family and friends on the sideline. The watches i brought gave me the confidence ineed for success. I spoke with confidenc and i preformed greatly at in activity of my life. My watches exhibited the makings of a man. I as always taught that a man has three characteristic to become a perfect gentelman. A haircut, clean pair of shoes and a nice watch. My watch collection allows me to choose which watch is the best fit for my day. My work watch is a watch that doesnt demand alot of attention. sometimes it gets bang around on objects and gets introduce to a unclean environment. if im going out n the night of the town. the watch i select demands attention. Having iton my wrist gives me the respect and onfidence i need to go out and have fun.
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Jose Blanco Reply:
June 24th, 2010 at 10:21 am
@kenneth murphy,
Good work Kenneth. Just pay a little more attention to the capital “I” situation. Fot example, not “im going out” but “I’m going out.” The “I” is always capitalized.
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Hey Jose!
I wanted to thank you for your help this semester. I say help because thats exactly what I received from this course. I really do feel I improved my writing. I feel more confident. I realized how important this class is to my career. Again, thanks for your help!
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In my opinion, technology is helpful but in order for people to have long-term benefits of communication face-to-face contact is advised. The benefits include healthier brains and emotions. According to Bartlein, when we make physical contact with others our mind is at ease and we feel understood (2009). People crave for the closeness of a family member, friend, or coworker because it’s our nature to be in close proximity of others. When we are unable to be physically connected then we call, email, or text others to stay connected in our own way. Researchers also noticed that people who communicated with others frequently were less likely to develop Alzheimer’s in their golden years (Bartlein, 2009).
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As we advance within our society technology is helpful, but in order for people to have long-term benefits of communication face-to-face contact is my preference. According to Bartlein, when we make physical contact with others our mind is at ease and we feel understood (2009). People crave for the closeness of a family member, friend, or coworker because it’s our nature to be in close proximity of others. When we are unable to be physically connected then we call, email, or text others to stay connected in our own way, because “this generation has evolved tremendously” (Paulino, 2010). Researchers also noticed that people who communicated face-to-face with others frequently were less likely to develop Alzheimer’s in their golden years (Bartlein, 2009). The benefits of face-to-face contact versus technology are the promotion of healthier brains, stable emotions, and closeness amongst family & friends.
Healthier brains are the result of continual face-to-face communication. Even if we decide to communicate through electronic means sometimes, daily face-to-face contact stimulates our brains. Through interaction we have a continual dialogue that’s not scripted so our brains are challenged by the ongoing communication. In using our brains on a daily basis it will function properly thereby giving us long-term effects such as increasing our knowledge. Also, it helps to aid in the memory process. With healthier brains we can analyze situations clearly.
As well, there is more stability in our emotions when we see people face-to-face. Fortunately for most people technology is at our fingertips where we can send an email, text message, or leave a voicemail and avoid them receiving our complete concentration (Paulino, 2010). However, a message sent to another may be misunderstood thereby causing conflict between the two parties. With face-to-face contact there is no guessing on what the other individual is saying because clarification can be done in person. Also, a person’s body language will communicate what they really mean as well. Therefore, some people prefer using technology because they may feel empowered or want to get their point across uninterrupted.
Nevertheless, closeness amongst family and friends is bridged when there is frequent face-to-face communication. “You can have a small network and not feel isolated” (Bartlein, 2009). The physical contact brings people closer because the more time you spend with others you are drawn to them. Your psyche is accustomed to being around these individuals, and you may long to see them often. When there is a gap of contact between you and your loved ones you may experience moods swings, or physical illness. The disconnection from your loved ones may even affect your ability to perform at work or in your daily functions.
Therefore, it is imperative that people maintain face-to-face contact so they will remain close to their family & friends, be stable emotionally, and have healthier brains. This connection is essential for people to function. No one was made to be isolated all the time. Humans need frequent contact in order to survive life’s challenges. At times it is the touch of someone holding your hand or an encouraging word said directly to you that will keep you going. If this human contact is ever lost through technology then individuals could wander aimlessly and may even give up on life because they would feel alone.
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Works Cited
Bartlein, Barbara. “Technology is Great – But People Still Need Human Contact.” WalletPop. N.p., 14 Jan. 2009. Web. 08 Feb. 2009
Paulino, Jennifer. “Reply to Blog”. Florida: Barry University, 26 Aug. 2010.
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